Getting Started: Submission 1

Here is a story by one of your classmates. Leave your thoughts below! Remember to offer critical comments that are useful and helpful to the writer. If you want to see my critique and comments on the story, click on the attached document below: Submission 1


Random Tales Story

Hi I’m Maddie, a Gap Year Student. Tonight is a big night for me. Its currently the evening of New Years Eve and I have nothing to wear for the big party tonight! I’m so stressed out. The party is in one hour – 7PM. Aarghh! I scramble through the pile of clothes of which I call my “wardrobe” . I throw out all the contents it contains, jeans, jackets, skirts, even old summery dresses that I don’t use anymore! I sigh. “I have nothing to wear!” Just then I hear a knock on my bedroom door. I slowly walking to the door cautious of who it could be, but when I open it I find that it’s only my old school friend Bella. “Bella!” I cry happily.

“Quick! Lets get our hair done at the spa down the road, we haven’t got long!” I hear her say.

“But…I haven’t even found an outfit for the party yet!” I say worryingly. I look at Bella and see that she’s smiling, reassuring me that everything will be fine and I will find an outfit soon.

I head off to the nearby spa in town centre of our home town which is in Malibu, California. I notice as we arrive that the sign for the spa has changed from an old used to be vibrant pink design to a neutral pink and orange design whilst flashing the words “Spa”. I take a deep breath trying to calm myself as the lovely beauty therapist gestures us to sit down on the black hard leather chairs and tilts our heads back ready for our hair to be done.

I looked around as the therapist was getting the shampoos ready. I feel so relaxed being here. I spotted numerous white and orange candles glistening in the dim light that lit up the spa room.

I started to drift off into a daydream, into a world of peace and happiness until I suddenly felt a cold blob on top of my head which woke me up immediately. I jolted upwards, and scared the therapist too. I took a deep breath and heard her asking if I was okay. I nodded thanking her.

It felt like my 30 minute spa treatment was a lot quicker that expected. I thought it went by so fast! I walked home feeling relaxed and happy with Bella. I also managed to borrow a dress off her – a purple and black midi dress. I thought it looked gorgeous. I hugged her, thanking her a million times for letting me borrow it.

It is now 6:45pm and I’m just putting the final finishing touches to my hair. I curl my brown hair round and round with my pink pocked sized curlers. Just then I noticed a chunk of hair on the floor. Felling shocked I looked in the mirror gasping. I screamed and shouted for Bella, who came running in an instant.

I felt myself starting to cry. “Look” I wept, pointing to the quite surprisingly massive patch of missing hair on the side of my head. I see Bellas face crumble with worry, fear and sadness. I take another look in the mirror, still crying over my loss as I hear Bella asking what happened.

Between sobs I start to explain the situation.

“Don’t worry”  I hear he say as she pulls a massive purple and black hat out of her massive handbag. “I have this” she hands it to me. “You can borrow it if you like”.

I smile at her gratefully. “Really? Oh thank you! Thats so kind!” I hug her tightly and then we both go downstairs happy and smiley to join in the New Years Eve celebrations.


See my comments on this story: Submission 1

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